My wife, as hard as it is to believe, has become an even hotter "hottie" than she already was since beginning this program...and lately she's been hinting that maybe I should try it too. And by "hinting", I mean she said, "Honey, you are getting absurdly fat. Why don't you stop shoving Oreos in your face while watching TV, get off your butt, and try to use that gym membership you're paying for......I love you." It's a good thing she threw in the "I love you" at the end, or that would have sounded like a cruel thing to say.
Anyhow, back to my sob story. Most of you who know me, understand that since I was a teenager, I have been cursed to naturally look like Mark Wahlberg (from his Marky Mark days)...
You could also compare me to Brad Pitt (circa 1995)...
Or for you younger readers out there, kind of like Taylor Lautner...
...or on occasion, people would confuse me for Zac Efron...
If you are reaching this point of the blog posting, and are beginning to feel uncomfortable - potentially questioning my sexual orientation - take solace in the fact that you are not alone. I too have to admit that I've never felt more gay than right now. 1 - I am a man, and I run a blog. 2 - I am posting several pics of topless dudes on said blog. If I still had a "man-card", I would be handing it over to a real man right now - and he would destroy it.
Anyway, back to my sad story. So naturally, given my ridiculous physique, I've never really had to work out, or be concerned at all about what I eat. Well...then 30 happened. Here's a pic of me sitting next to my daughter on a recent trip to the beach...
...or if you'd like a close-up, here's one that I took for all the ladies on Facebook to admire...
I'm not sure where Kimberly gets off calling me fat. "Cuddly" - maybe - but "fat"?!
Anyhow, so I agree to start the program 3 weeks ago. D-Day comes around, and at the 11th hour, I successfully come up with some BS reason to wait until the following week. Then the following week comes, and I tell her that I've got this family trip planned, so let's start when we get back. Well, yesterday I officially ran out of excuses. I am now on day 2, and am trying to figure out what on earth I got myself into.
Do you want to know what kind of monster this program has forced me to become?! In only 2 days?! Here's an example: This afternoon, one of my employees' wife and daughter came into the office. She knew we were all going to be working late, so she graciously stopped by Paradise Bakery and picked up a bunch of cookies (only the best cookies in the world). Well, this little 3 year old girl comes in, cute as can be, pigtails bouncing from side to side, smiling from ear to ear, carrying a little box of cookies. She holds it up to me, and in the sweetest voice possible, asks me if I would like a cookie (something like the scene below, only the little girl was even more cute)....
It was as if two worlds were colliding - right in front of me. I was so confused! I wanted to be loyal to the program, and not let my wife down...but AT WHAT COST?! Is it worth CRUSHING this little girl's heart?
I tell myself, "Jason, you have to be strong...it's only day 2 of 84 for crying out loud!" So in the nicest way possible, I say to this little angel, "Thank you so much, but I'm OK for now. I'll bet the other guys would love one."
I might as well have stabbed her in the heart with a dagger.
Her big blue eyes dropped...her little lip began to quiver...it was all she could do to hold back tears. She ran to her mom, and buried her head in mom's legs. Yep...that's the kind of man I've become.
On my drive home tonight, I found myself deep in thought, reflecting on my actions during the course of the day. I take solace in the fact that even though I'm a total jerk...at least I'll have an 8-pack like Taylor Lautner in 82 more days. :-)
If you are the kind of person who is comfortable rejecting a cute little girl's cookie offer, you can learn more about the Live the Life program (which is not a multi-level marketing racket) at:
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